Filling your Kids’ Dad Tank

I heard the idea of a “Love Tank” back in high school health class. It was cheesy, but I got the simple metaphor. It’s the idea that our need for love and affirmation can be likened to some type of tank. That tank can be filled, partially filled or empty.  It can be overflowing or it can be so empty it’s full of dust and spiderwebs.

 We get our Love Tank filled by “deposits” into the tank. Things like kind words, gifts, affirmation, physical touch, or someone spending quality time with us. We can all point to reliable criteria that help us feel loved or cared for. These things make us feel good about ourselves.

 Conversely, we experience “withdrawals” that make us feel lousy about ourselves, or stupid or angry. Someone cutting us off in traffic, a hurtful word, being passed over for a promotion, a betrayal from a friend. These lower the volume in our Love Tank.

 Imagine now the idea of a “Dad Tank” 😁. Our kids each have a mom and dad tank that needs and wants to be filled.

 In the same way we fill our Love Tank, we fill our kids’ Dad Tank with quality time together- exchanging ideas, laughing, teasing, tickling. Building trust and affection.

Because our kids aren’t adults who can reason more abstractly and appreciate love being expressed in a variety of ways, the time is paramount. Time is the key to a kid’s heart. Simply put, if you’re not putting the time in with your kids, you’re not filling their Dad Tank.

You may be putting food on the table, providing them an iPhone 14 or even paying for their college tuition, but kids don’t receive love that way. They want our time: our focused undivided attention.

Simply put, if you’re not putting the time in with your kids, you’re not filling their Dad Tank.

My son and I have a joke. He’ll suggest doing something or going someplace together. And to add leverage and legitimacy to what he wants, he’ll add:

“C’mon dad, my Dad Tank needs to be filled!”

We laugh. It’s his way of saying he wants my attention.

Think about your Mom or Dad Tank for each of your kids. Are they filled? Do they need a top-off? Are they close to empty?

If you’re not sure, it never hurts to ask.

Fill ’er up!! ⛽️ 👍🏽

-TF